If there's anybody out there - just nod if you can hear me.....
Today is the first day of my new life. I'm seeking something, though I'm not sure what, and I'm hoping this blog will help me find it.
Mind you, I'm not quite sure how writing about my life on the interweb will lead me to blinding clarity, but then I've always been the kind of person who works things out through the written word rather than the spoken one.
I've reached a crossroads, you see. If you looked at me from the outside you would see a reasonably happy, reasonably successful, and reasonably satisfied person. But that doesn't seem to be enough anymore.
It's been creeping up slowly, I think.
2008 was a pretty tough year for various reasons. I had a nasty accident at the beginning of the year. A friendship ruptured badly. I had difficulties at work. And the financial crisis that has engulfed us all certainly engulfed me with it.
There was only a single shining beacon in 2008 that sustained me, and that was my marriage to My One True Love. But more about that later.
So that - more or less - was 2008. I get that it was hard, and thank god it's behind me now. At the drinks we had here at work in the week before Christmas, I blurted a toast to "the end of 2008" and my boss's boss shot me a dirty look. You're not meant to say things like that at work ... I should have toasted the end to the challenges of 2008, or the unknown challenges yet to come in 2009, the endless, endless, challenges ...
But I digress, because work is the least of my worries. In actual fact I have a splendid job - it's intellectually nourishing, the work sustains me, I have excellent colleagues, and despite my occasional whining, I enjoy it for the most part.
It's the ennui I don't understand.
The faint, shifting sensation, growing ever stronger, that there must be more to life than this. That deep down, I'm unhappy, and I don't know why.
I worry that I'm entering the mid-life crisis phase, except why would I be entering that just as all the jigsaw puzzle pieces of my world are slotting into place, and the picture that's being revealed looks pretty rosy?
I suppose essentially, that's the question. And that's why I'm here.
Fear not though gentle reader, it won't be all doom and gloom. I do in fact have a life outside the inside of my own head, and it primarily involves my lovely husband, my three cute cats, and my sewing. I'm a crap seamstress, but I have enthusiasm at least. I live a life split between domesticity, the professional sphere, and my creative outlets.
So I promise to try to tell you amusing stories. I will post pictures of my latest dodgy sewing creations. You will hear tales of the three furry babies (and I confess this may well be the most interesting part of my blog).
Often I'll tell you what I'm wearing, as my clothes act as a barometer of my mood. Beware of me when I'm in black.
Today however, I'm wearing a chocolate brown dress with empire-line bodice and button-through placket. It has a full skirt (all the better to hide the effects of the trifle I've been scoffing since Christmas) that falls to mid-calf. I have a wide black grosgrain ribbon tied at the empire line and it highlights the black ballet flats I've got on as well as the long black resin bobble necklace I've accessorised with. I have my serious glasses on - after all, it is the first day back at work.
Deep breath, then.