Sunday, October 4, 2009

Reading between the lines

It's been a long time between proverbial drinks, my friends, hasn't it? And I expect you're wondering why.

I can finally disclose the reason. It's because I have finally decided - after much agonising - not to accept the glamorous job in Sydney, the one they've been wooing me for over the past month. I will not be packing up My One True Love and the furry babies and moving them to the uncertainties and displeasures of rental accommodation in Sydney. I will stop mentally spending the bags of money they were laying out seductively before me. I have resisted their efforts to trip headlong down the rabbit hole of temptation.

It was a tough call in the end. My One True Love and I spent weeks agonising over this. I went up to Sydney and back twice. Spent a day in the office, aced a written strategic assessment, blitzed the competition. He and I ran numbers and financial models based on different scenarios - sell the house, rent the house, etc etc - advanced arguments for and against (professional development, pollution), got excited about being closer to dear Sydney friends, reeled in horror at the price of rent even in suburbia - it quite exhausted me. I've done no sewing. I've missed two markets - two! I've had no energy to post. And I'm sorry for disappearing without a word about why.

And then at last we came to a decision. We'd go to Sydney. We'd cope with rent, and moving, and traffic, and public transport, and pollution. We'd leave Melbourne for three years, maybe five, and we'd enjoy the spoils on offer as well as the professional challenge it held for me. By jove, we'd do it!

But at the last hurdle, the very end of contract negotiations, the process broke down. They faltered, and I pulled the pin. It was a considered decision, and I knew it spelt both a missed opportunity and a lucky escape.

However, it's not all bad. I'm not staying in my current job either, the one that's been the source of such anxiety and stress and botheration for the past eight months or so. Oh no, that is finally behind me as well - at least, it will be in a month or so. And for that, I am eternally grateful. ETERNALLY. There's a light at the end of this long and very dark tunnel, and I can definitely assure you it's not the headlights of an oncoming train.

But don't let the details concern you. I'm staying in Melbourne, and life continues. I'm happy with my decision, for the most part, though of course there is a sliver of me that deeply regrets the missed opportunity that just slipped out of my fingers. Or more accurately, the one I deliberately released.

If nostalgia is the pain you feel on looking back through your past, what is the word that describes the pain you feel on losing an imagined future, never experienced?

7 comments:

bubbachenille said...

Everything happens for a reason, The reason will show itself soon enough...just be patient! It will all be good..

CurlyPops said...

I was wondering where you'd been. I'll see you on Saturday at Northside.

Jennie said...

I hope the relief is greater than the mourning. Status quo with improvements can be more satisfying than massive upheaval. And you and your One True Love also now know exactly what your priorities are, which s very valuable. Hang on to the big Sydney/Melbourne pros & cons list, it could come in useful in the future!

Margaret @ Konstant Kaos said...

I hate that process of going through that whole job move Thank god I have never had to choose between Melbourne and Sydney, but I did make a major ob move about 7 years ago and I moved out of teaching for a while.

Anyway, good to hear you will still be in Melbourne. Did you know that one of your owls is on display at GJ's in Brunswick East?

Finki (jay) said...

some times we need just one little thing at the end to make us go..No, this isn't right.
And when something doesn't sit right 100% then you know you have definitely made the right decision in saying no to it.

Glad you're sticking around.

Mountaingirl said...

I feel like I've been holding out my arm to you, stretching and stretching and aaaaaalmost touching your finger tips... only to see you drop away when I had my fingers curled triumphantly around yours.
But in truth, I agree with bubbachenille and Finki. You belong in Melbourne for now and new challenges await you with this new role. The riches will follow!

Taccolina said...

Definitely agree: if it was meant to be it would have happened, but there must be something else waiting around the corner, so here you are. I wonder what excitement it is awaiting you?