We've just finished eight hours of 4WD training in what I think I can technically call "the outback", and my eyes are like giant, gritty, grainy orbs in my head.
My tear ducts are in overdrive, trying to soothe the irritation brought on by 42 degree temperatures and one flimsy shade tree, so it's as if I'm crying silently and without pause......and you know what? I kind of feel like doing that through sheer exhaustion.
Learning how to drive properly out here is absolutely critical. There are a few sealed roads in the Kimberley, but not many - most of them are dirt, and most of them are in poor conditions at different times of the year. If you're travelling any kind of distance, you'll need a 4WD and you'll need to know how to use it. Being able to get yourself out of a pickle is crucial - if you're not keen on an early death.
We learnt how to winch a car out of a wetland (my that was fun, this was in the 42 degree part of the day) and which straps to use and which straps will fling off and kill you if you try. Ahem.
We learnt that it is very important to make your own way down a drop-off incline rather than following the tracks of the vehicle in front, because otherwise you might end up sideways and scare us all to death.
We learnt that tire pressure for mud driving should be around 16 - 20 pounds per square inch (uh huh.... whatever that means), that a Hi-Lift jack is a beautiful tool that should be treated with respect and in fact we should probably never use it because the handle can smash your skull in, and we learnt that in the event of disaster, we should probably just ring our boss for a helicopter.
Now please excuse me while I urgently program his number into my mobile phone.