Sunday, July 5, 2009

On the cusp of something

Mostly, I like the shadowy corners of a room. Their dim, quiet darkness. The way the paint looks different.

Sometimes it's true I can't face them. There are days when they look cold, and all I want to do is light them, so there's no shadows and they're warm and the indistinguishable edges of the room suddenly move into sharpness.

But mostly, I like the shadows. They bring depth to a space.

I think there's a metaphor I'm reaching for in this. I've had two long days to think about it, you see. The Northcote Winter Artisans Market (Saturday) and Sonny and Coco (today) were practically deserted. And having no customers means an awful lot of time to reflect. When not eating cupcakes and ginger spice cookies from Melbourne Epicure, that is.

I've had such a rubbish time recently, and it's moved me to tears of frustration and despair, but .... to draw the metaphorical bow even further .... thorns add beauty to a rose, through the sheer fact of their stark contrast.

I can feel the rose in me somewhere. It's at periods like this that I feel myself on the cusp of something. Like the creativity is leaching through my pores and just aching to give way to something amazing. It's as though a tooth is coming in.

Like there's a book inside me, or an act of greatness, or a momentous realisation.

It's like an ache, a yearning, so visceral that I can feel it pressing out from my sternum, and it makes me want to lean forward as though I'm being pulled by something.

But how to reach down to the middle of me, through my innards, and find the edges of that thing amongst all the glistening slipperiness of my organs? How to extract something which doesn't exist except inside my cells? How to make it real?

How to enter the shadows, and bring out bright light?

7 comments:

Sandra @ Pepperberry & Co. said...

Oh, Felicity, I'm so sorry to hear that you've had such a shit time at markets. What I'm really excited to hear, though, is that you're in that wonderful place of 'unknown', where something big and great and wonderful is about to happen or be made to happen by you. It'll all turn out exactly as it should, and I can't wait to follow your journey there. xxx

Nikki said...

I thought the market looked a bit bustly when I was there.. or perhaps it was just ME that was bustly?

I've done my time at deserted markets and had plenty of time to contemplate my navel, so I know where you're at. Have faith in yourself and your own abilities and be open to new ideas and directions - a path will appear.

I hope that life sparks up a bit for you soon.

Margaret @ Konstant Kaos said...

As my husband pointed out to me a) middle of school holidays b) it was bloody cold c) one of the biggest football matches of the year ... I think that it was a slow day for all of us. But stick with it ... as the weather warms up, so do people's wallets.

Christy said...

Meditate on it? Deep breathing and visualization? Deep talks with your partner? All those things help me get my creative juices flowing.

I hope the markets pick back up soon! And hope you have a good rest of your weekend. Your HOOTS here in new jersey are much loved!

Tania said...

For some reason I always get my ideas in the shower. Which really sucks with water restrictions and a three minute deadline.

Failing that, here's my ten cents...

Just be. You can't make it come. It will happen when it's ready, when you're looking in the opposite direction. Then it will be hard to remember the time before without it.

Finki (jay) said...

I know just how you feel, that there is something right there, glowing and growing..... but still in the dark.
From the darkness a light within will always find it's way to shine, don't worry about that.

When my cash flow improves I'll definitely be investing in some more flickettysplits creations to brighten my heart and home.
Your market offerings are always a delight to be around. (:

Michelle said...

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. And where you are. I think I'm in the same space (Hello! You over there!) Keep thinking, and meditating, and for heaven's sake, take a notebook with you everywhere! (I need to remind myself of this)